How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
