I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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