i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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