I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
