my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
