I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
