Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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