I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
