Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
