I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
