if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
