I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
