Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
