I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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