i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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