Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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