ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize