It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
