I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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