I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
