why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
