Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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