I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
