trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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