Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
