Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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