you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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