i would punch a child for taco bell
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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