we have pet lesbian snakes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
