I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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