i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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