dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im part way to drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
