He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
