I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
