Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
