I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Watching her eat just hurts me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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