What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
