The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
