First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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