My sheets look like a crime scene.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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