I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize