I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
