so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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