Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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