Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
