I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
