The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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