My nipple is on Facebook.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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