Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
