how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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