How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
