What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
