Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
