Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
