my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
