Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
