After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
