Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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