So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
