Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
