if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
