I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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