i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like heaven, but drunker
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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