i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize