Your mouth is God's brothel.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
