Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
