I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
