I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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