your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize