I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
