you mean i was at the winter classic?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So many bounce houses so little time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
