Pants 0. Shit 1.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
