i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
