I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
